When I was just a child I was introduced to God through the love and devotion that my Mom’s Parents shared with me.  They were very devoted Catholics and seeing how they lived with us; it was impossible for it not to rub off on us kids. But being apart of a religious family did not stop the emotional hurt that was caused by the anger my grandparents and parents showed towards each other. As a child I can remember praying with my sisters and brother for the abuse to stop. I look back now and realize that just going to Church does not make you a nice person, you have to believe and be willing to do God’s will and share His love with others. I was fortunate and thankful; at least I had gotten an introduction to God.

Not sure what transpired or why but by the time I was in Middle School I was using Drugs and drinking. Was it peer pressure? Was it the cool thing to do? Did it make me feel good? Probably all good answers to the question. That was the start of a life I am not proud of.  I lived life by cheating, being dishonest, and irresponsible.  I can remember stealing money from my folks so I could supply myself drugs and alcohol.  I got caught a few times and would promise never to do it again and tell them how sorry I was, that I would change.  I never stopped, it only got worse.  When I was 13, I got really messed up on drugs and almost blew my head off with a homemade bomb; fortunately it just got my fingers and knees. Once again it did not stop me. That cycle has pretty much been my story for the last 35 years. I am not sure why or how my life became so unmanageable, because to be honest I do not remember a lot about how I felt or what was going on inside of me.  I was empty inside.  I spent most my time emotionally and physically incoherent to the outside world. I did know that I caused a lot of problems for my family and friends to deal with.  But I did not care; it was all about me.

In the early 90’s I tried to change.  I thought I wanted to better myself.  I was tired of all the hurt and pain I was inflicting on others. This meant divorcing my first wife, who was also my number one partner in sin.  I soon got together with my present wife and family.  It was really cool.  Terry, my wife showed and shared with me how it was possible to live an enjoyable life without the use of intoxicants.  I had a purpose and I really enjoyed being part of a family who loved each other so much.  It filled that emptiness.  I stayed sober. I had everything going for me, a beautiful wife and children who loved and supported me.  What more could a guy ask for?

It was not enough because a few years later I was back and running fast and furious.  My life again consisted of waking up, going to work, drinking, coming home, drinking some more and either passing out or going to bed.  It became once again a life all about me.  I did not have any feeling or concern for what I was putting others through.  I became such a good liar that even I did not remember what I had told others.  My life became very miserable and empty.  I would swear to myself and ask for God’s help in getting back on track.  The guilt and remorse that I felt was still not enough to get me to change. I knew what I was doing was the wrong thing to do, but I couldn’t stop by myself.

Life got pretty bad and I can remember my wife telling me that she hoped I would get pulled over and arrested.  She knew I needed to change, but that I could not and did not want to change.  I thought this very vengeful and I resented it very much.  I became a total isolationist.  I did not want anything to do with anybody.  On Christmas Eve 2006 God intervened in my life.  I got arrested for my second DUI.  That is when my life started to change.  If it had not been for getting pulled over I believe I would still be living that miserable life or be dead.  I was fortunate that I did not kill or injure anyone physically.  Though I did manage to injure a lot of people emotionally; thankfully my wife and family did not give up on me.  Even with the intervention I continued to drink, basically telling everyone that it is my life to control.

I was forced to start treatment in November 2006 and everyone talked about letting go and turning it over to a higher power; to let someone else have control over my life.  What a concept.  I found myself emotionally bankrupt again and I started to pray.  I asked God to take control and I would follow.  He answered me and I started to have a sense of hope.  I believed that by asking for his guidance on a daily basis that I could make it.

Last October my mother became extremely ill with an alcohol induced illness.  I went to Arizona to be with her and the family.  I knew it was going to be a real struggle to stay sober.  Not only did I have to deal with Mom’s illness but also Dad and all the kids in the same house with alcohol.  I knew that if I drank it would not help the situation.  It would have also led me back to the miserable life I just left.  So I asked and searched for Jesus’ presence in my life to be stronger then ever.  I did a lot of praying and crying.  I was afraid.  Mom spent her last days on earth at home unconscious, we sang her songs and tried to keep upbeat.  I took some time to talk to her and ask her for forgiveness.  Not sure if she heard me but it brought a sense of peace.  The morning she passed away I was lying in the recliner praying that she would quit fighting and give up.  Mom stopped breathing and suddenly sense of peace came over me, and I knew it was going to be all right.  

Family and work associates from Washington gave me support during this time via the cell phone.  However, I was not expecting a phone call from some pastor from Stanwood.  I talked to Pastor Mike for a little while and he told me that the Church was praying for my family and I thanked him for all the support.  I was having a hard time figuring out why someone who hardly knew me would show that much love and concern towards me and my family.  I came to the realization that his reaching out to me came from his heart and soul and if that’s what Jesus had done for him I wanted to be part of it. I had spent too much of my time in life hurting and causing pain to others.  I decided I wanted to share some of the peace and serenity I was receiving from Jesus with others in my life.  I was hungry and I wanted more.

When I got back home I started to attend New View Church.  The feeling of the warmth of his presence in the church is awesome.  I started to listen to the sermons.  Reading the Bible daily.  Praying in the prayer room.  There was a sense of warmth, yes the warmth from the heater that Rudy would turn on before I came at 5:00 A.M but also the warmth of knowing Jesus was present with an open ear to listen to me.  Yes, I still struggle especially with guilt and remorse.  I get a feeling within of not deserving his love, but he has shown me that through prayer and doing his will for me I can make it through.  I do not have to understand his plan for me, better if I don’t.  All I have to remember is to have faith and keep united with Jesus.  When things get rough today I get the chance to stop and pray to let Jesus give me the power to turn it over and let go.

I want to thank each and everyone one of you for embracing me with open arms and making me feel like part of God’s family. I am especially in awe of the sparkle and warmth that radiates from all the younger worshippers.  It gives me strength and hope not only for myself but also for all those kids who make up the future.  I hope to continue to fill my life with Jesus’ presence for the rest of my short journey on his earth.

Our attitude towards life and others is very contagious.  So please continue to have open hearts and spread the presence of Jesus in your life with others you encounter.